I posted first in the grieving section of the forum, because my heart was so sad at the moment and I just needed to get some of the pain off of my chest. I received such comfort from others here who have lost pugs too and I am thankful for that.
I am a 43 year old mom of two, married for 25 years to my husband, and a nursing student with a pug shaped hole in her heart. 2 years ago, as I was recovering from a long illness, I told my husband that I wanted a pug. He just looked at me with patient eyes and blinked I told him I wanted a pug, that I would name her Lucinda, and that she would be my best little friend. I was being silly, but he told me to keep my eye out in the newspaper and to check with the vets in our area. I went and got the newspaper that day, opened it up and in the Free section was an ad that said "Little black pug, female, needs new home asap". I was stunned. I phoned immediately, and got a voicemail. The ad had said to call after 4pm, so I left a message that morning and then called again at 3:55 pm, just incase. The woman answered the phone. She laughed and said that she had just walked out the door from work, and that there were 36 voice messages on her phone. We talked for a bit. I told her about our family, and she told me why she had to find a home for Lu. She agreed to go and get Lu and to stop by my house. When she came by, and opened the back hatch of her vehicle and Lu jumped out, my heart felt nearly the same as it did when my children were born! I fell deeply in love! She interviewed me, watched us with Lu and then said she was ours. It was meant to be! She left, and I was the proud new mama of a little black shadow who didn't want me to leave her side. In the first couple of weeks her seperation anxiety was severe. That gradually got better as she realized I was never going to abandon her.
Lu literally became my little soul mate. She was always there. If I had a bad day and was in tears, she would look at me with concern and kiss my face. If that didn't cheer me up she would chase her tail and make me laugh. While I studied for hours on end, she was right there, in my lap or on my books or laying between the back of my neck and the couch. She would come with me to do my outside chores, helping me with the chickens and bunnies. In the spring after winter was finally almost gone she would go outside and sit with our huge rabbit Sampson and they would just hang out enjoying the sun. When I took a shower, she would jump IN the tub, every single time and just let the warm water run over her back as she sat at my feet. She was so good with EVERYONE and EVERY creature! We had an understanding, it was almost as if she knew far more than her pug barks would let her express.
When she developed liver failure of unknown cause, I thought at first that she could beat it. She tried so very very hard. I know she was hanging on for me. I finally told her that it was okay to go, that I would be okay. I apologized for being so selfish and wanting her to stay. I apologized for all the times that I came home in a rush and didn't properly greet her. It still pains my heart to think that sometimes I was so busy that I didnt reach down and say hello. I apologized for the times I was angry with her for her naughty puggish antics (wiggling into the chicken coop in the middle of a rain storm and getting covered in poo, refusing to use the "outdoor potty" when the weather was bad, leaping over the front seat and knocking the lid off of my pot of stew I was taking to a pot luck, dipping both her front feet into it!) I told her that of all the dogs I had known in my life, that there was not one that could hold a candle to her. The next morning I held her in my lap and kissed her soft warm little pug ears and whispered to her what a good good girl she was and that she had done everything she had been put on this earth to do and had done it so well as the vet administered the medication to put her to sleep. I memorized the smell and feel of her just as I had my daughter so many years ago. My heart was completely broken.
We buried Lu next to our garden. She LOVED the garden. She loved veggies so it was a natural fit for her. When I am outside working, I can talk to her and tell her about what is going on.
Sometimes life is so hard. It seems like the most beautiful things are the most tragic because they can be taken away from us.
I am happy to have found this forum, and will keep you all updated if I decide to get a new puggit.